My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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