please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize