Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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