Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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