you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
