Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
