I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
