No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
