i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
