I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Panties = found
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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