I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This gyro tastes like lonliness
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
