whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
