I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
