so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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