I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
