Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
