Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
