"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
