I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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