So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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