Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
