i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
