He told me they were just razor bumps!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
