he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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