obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
