In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
