I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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