Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
