Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i drank out of a bidet.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
