I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's the barista slut.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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