he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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