are you so shy because you have an std?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
