I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
