Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
