What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
