I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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