About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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