Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize