Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Green mimosas i think yes
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
