guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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