saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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