So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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