Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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