i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize