No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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