She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
