can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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