took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
