Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize