Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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