So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
