Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
there's paper in my vomit.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
