I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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