Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize