to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
