booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
