My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
