3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
