i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
