YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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