I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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