Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As shirtless as possible
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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