I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
