oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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