I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
