Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
