My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize