In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
