whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
